28 years

today i grow too old
to ever die young
on an alien shore
without my loved one

today i jump over
the edge of my heroes
and it feels a lot
like i'm counting zeroes

today is the day
of my mid life crisis
somehow i must find
a way to get past this

today is too long
without anyone i know
i'm a leaf without a tree
going where the river flows

today i'm alone
and i'll never forget
i've left behind my people
in the arms of regret

today i'm a log
i'm a dead branch floating
as i turn twenty eight
without fear or loathing

today i'm sober
too sober to bear
not a drink in my hand
no greens to burn my care

today is the beginning
of a new year upon us
i'm thinking i have hope
but i'm just an ignoramus

today i grow too old
to ever die young
and i feel my lonely race
has only just begun

Wandering home

i could be a traveler
taking weary roads
where no one goes

i could
be a hermit
hiding away
in a dusty hole

waiting
for you to call me
bring me in
and remind me

all roads
lead to home
to your arms
when we're alone

all roads
lead to home
take me in
on your own

i could be a sailor
on the roughest seas
that no one dares go

i could
be an explorer
getting lost
on the horizon

searching
for the familiar
in an alien
unknown shore

but all roads
lead to home
in your arms
when we're alone

all roads
lead to home
take me in
make me strong

wherever i go
i will find you
whatever i do
my compass
points to you

every journey
that i take
will bring me
right there next to you
because

all roads
lead to home
to your arms
where we can be alone

Coniferous monstrous

A forest clouds
the path with trees
their reaching branches
kill every breeze.

The leaves here shake
with whispers of fear.
The monsters are awake
their whimpers are near.

Long shadows are cast
blocking each sign.
Vines crowd the path
though they seem benign.

The journey becomes
a trek through the dark.
No hint that it's day.
No rays, no spark.

The canopy hides
birds and beasts of prey.
The hunter has become
the hunted today.

Trunks grown old
sprout faces of pain,
one sight of the nightmare,
and you'll never sleep again.

But worry not traveller
you need no chance to rest,
this haunted patch of soil
will put you to the test.

Though the path seems lost
and fate seems grim
trust the way forward.
Trust your mind and it's whims.

Though the forest seems thick,
with sunlight blocked away,
you're sure to find the light
you'll surely find a way.

This forest of dreams
with its threatening eyes
can't lay a finger on you
won't take you by surprise.

At the other side of this
lies the road green and wide.
Don't give in to the darkness
that much you must decide.

Wander beyond the forest
and you'll find the way you lost.
You'll turn around and wonder
how you never paid the cost.

Of stepping through nightmares
and fears given form.
Of walking beyond madness.
Of braving the turgid storm.

By trekking through this forest
of hallucinating air.
Can you defeat what is in it
and save everything you care.

Scribble scrawl

someday you'll write
whatever it is you might
you'll feel that rush
at putting it down right

by some happy accident
when the words just rhyme
you'll feel a bit confident
at having put in the time

someday you'll caress
a thought in the mind
with rare gentle prods
you'll write out a line

by a will of nature
impossible to murder
you'll fill up a sheet
with every mental blunder

with every aberration
and dark idea you can birth
with a many versed dance
you'll reaffirm your worth

then one day you'll write
when the world seems wrong
when the underlying tones
reveal a strange song

slowly your mind
will shift in the light
tremble nervously
at the fear of being right

someday you'll doubt
the ease of your verse
your tendency to scrawl
might seem like a curse

until the day you will read
of that friend you once knew
see his words out in paper
when it could have been you

that day you'll write
and stop hiding your work
to share it with the world
and finally be heard

Pandora's song

What makes me love you
despite all the signs?
Despite all the madness
you bring to my life?

Why do I adore you?
When I'm sure it will die.
When I know it will perish
without making me cry.

There must be something
in the folds of your eyes.
In the air you exhale
with each of your sighs.

Why must I want you?
Despite my own mind.
Despite all the voices,
in face of the grind.

Why don't I fight you
Or put up a resistance?
Giving in to insistence
and every word from your mouth.

Save me now,
from this love that will kill me.
Save me now.
don't let your absence fill me.
With sorrow and fear
of not having you here.
Not knowing a way
of holding you near.

What makes me chase you
to the land where you hide?
Over mountains and seas
with black birds by my side.

How long will it last
this insanity of loss?
This feeling of failing.
This pain without pause?

Save me now,
slit my weak wrists.
Clench that hand,
tighten your grip.
Save me now,
I've had it with this
Aim for my vein,
make sure you don't miss.

No one else needed

there's a certain beauty
in the arms of solitude.

a face often forgotten
in throngs of such magnitude.

when presented by force
it may seem the cruelest fate.

but when borne from choice
there are few joys as great.

i confess it requires
a certain kind of inclination

to lock away from the world
and disconnect from the population.

you must promise to ignore
all the threads you are linked to.

you must learn to adore
the silence that could sink you

but i can only assure you
if you do take her as your bride

being alone can become
the thing that keeps you alive

War is taking over.

I heard her voice today,

It came from nowhere.

In the form of radio static,

I'll recognize it anywhere.

She asked for a little picture,

To remember my face.

Reading out from a molded scripture,

No hope, no saving grace.

How can you bear,

To live in the world today,

It's falling down and war is taking over.

Digging your grave,

On someone else's say,

What will you do if no one's left to hold her.

Run away, run away,

Run away while you're still alive.

Run away, run away,

You know we can't survive.

Children ran in all directions,

Bombs falling from paper planes.

Won't be long before its all real,

Can't hide behind all your fame.

Soldier follows mindless orders,

Medals upon coffin and grave.

Giving life for the highest honor,

Do you remember just one name?

How can you bear,

To live in the world today,

It's falling down and war is taking over.

Searching for,

A shining ray of hope,

Find some love or just a little flower.

Run away, run away,

Run away while you're still alive.

Run away, run away,

You know we can't survive.

Autobiopoetry

Adjectives from a type writer,

He moves his words like a prize fighter.

At the frenzied pace of the mind,

Inside a cell.

The man in the room might just as well be,

The man in the room might just as well.

Outside, yet inside the whirl,

Of the echoes and sounds from this side of the world.

He breaks in a sweat when you ask,

If he can see it all,

Yes, he can see it all.

He's so nervous but you can't tell,

When his mind is moving all can be well.

Through the hazy shell of the smoke,

Around his head.

The man in the room seems well read to me,

The man in the room seems well read.

He's outside, yet inside the whirl,

Of echoes and sounds from my side of the world.

He breaks in a sweat when you ask,

If he can see it all,

Yes, he can see it all.

Subtext to what he says right now,

Translation comes easy somehow.

Speaking in a tongue which you and I,

Find hard to tell.

The man in the room might just as well be,

The man in the room might just as well.

Outside, yet inside the whirl,

Of echoes and sounds from my side of the world.

He breaks in a sweat when you ask,

If he can see it all,

Yes, he can see it all.

To: You.

I thought that I,

Lost my mind.

When you told me,

What you knew I would find.

And now I know,

So I can think again.

I decided then,

That's it's time,

And this has reached it's end.

So, Thank you,

For ending this.

Hurting me,

So I wont miss.

The pain you shared,

For love I dared,

Defy, my intelligence.

How could I,

Not see the lie.

Blinded by my heart,

And your arrogance.

Now as I go,

Just tell me,

Were you really,

What you said you were to me.

So, Thank you,

For ending this.

Hurting me,

So I wont miss.

The pain you shared,

For love I dared,

Defy, my intelligence.

Now its too late,

You've crossed my sword..

I'm leaving you to dwell,

On your hollow words.

Either way,

Just let it be,

You're dead to me.

I won't be the one to help you,

I'm not gonna be there to hold you,

I won't be there when you go,

I'll be the one to say, I told you so.

Thank you.

(Slightly ripped from a song thats stuck in my head. But the parts that are, can't be said any better than this. Goes to someone who used to be a part of my life. A big part. No longer.)

Let it rain today.

Is this just another day,

The clouds above,

Are gathering.

A slow and steady flowing breeze,

A cooling spell,

Of splendid rain.

Flowing words and fallen praise,

Another chance,

To wash the pain.

So please Lord,

Let it rain today.

Let the city sleep,

When it fills an empty day.

Let the rain fall,

And wash the dirt away.

The city needs a chance,

To clean its wounds today.

The growing hope on heavy clouds,

Its in the eyes,

That gleam so proud.

The wandering gaze at the sky,

As they hope,

For rain tonight.

The sky thunders, the sun retreats,

Pouring rain down,

On thirsty streets.

Gift of life and the seed of love,

Pouring peace,

And hope from above.

So please Lord,

Let it rain today.

Let the city sleep,

When it fills an empty day.

Let the rain fall,

And wash the dirt away.

The city needs a chance,

To clean its wounds today.

Lucifer/My Creator.

Steal a confession,

Out of my head.

I really don't know,

But it's been said.

You sleep forever,

Once you die.

Is there no one left,

Who will cry, cry.

Cry.

Should I go blind.

Die.

With nothing left behind.

Destroy.

What was born.

Reply.

To my creator, filled with scorn.

The time has come,

For our retribution.

Steal a chance for,

A final confession.

Hoping to find,

Your redemption.

Left to burn with,

Your final destruction.

Cry.

For all thats gone.

Die.

Just to be reborn.

Destroy.

With a glance.

Reply.

My creator. Give me a chance.

The tension is rising,

Its just overhelming.

As I sin again,

To ease the pain,

I will live on forever,

In arms of Lucifer.

When I die, die, die.

Cry.

But not for me.

Die.

I'm breaking free.

Destroy.

The memory today.

Reply.

What do I say? What do I say?

My Own Terms.

To everyone who tells me that I wont make it. That I'm being stubborn, arrogant, stupid. Who tell me to be realistic and stop dreaming. Who tell me I can't live this way. It's my life, I'll live it on my own terms and make what I want of it. Either support me from the sidelines or get the hell out of my way.

Living, risking, but never scared,

One step closer to the edge.

Nothing changes in my dreams,
I can go on, it may seem.

Iron will is never gone,
I am right, you think I’m wrong.

It’s not a story you can tell,
Taking chances, might as well.

Hold me while I’m still alive,
Just don’t hold me back,
When I touch the sky.

Let me die on my own terms,
Let me live and let me learn.
I’m not ready to sacrifice,
Somewhere in this world, is my life.

Looking forward I wont rewind,
Someday soon I will cross that line.

If freedom makes a fool of me,
Let me try and hope I see.

I will promise you one thing,
I will live up to my dreams.

Nothing ventured nothing gained,
Don’t wanna live for just each day.

Hold me while I’m still alive,
Just don’t hold me back,
When I touch the sky.

Let me die on my own terms,
Let me live and let me learn.
I’m not ready to sacrifice,
Somewhere in this world, is my life.

Remind me.

I walk the streets at night,

Till I get lost.

If it never reminds me,

Of you at all.

With an empty pocket,

And my guitar.

If it never reminds me,

Of you at all.

I like making faces,

In mirrored walls.

If it never reminds me,

Of you at all.

I like walking backwards,

Till I fall.

If it never reminds me,

Of you at all.

The Love that we had. The love that we lost. 

The love I held sacred, then you paused.

The more that I hold is more that I cry.

I don't wanna love... Just survive.

I like TV music,

And radio talk.

If it never reminds me,

Of you at all.

I like climbing over,

Empty walls.

If it never reminds me,

Of you at all.

I like unheard songs,

And drinking in bars.

If it never reminds me,

Of you at all.

The Love that we had. The love that we lost. 

The love I held sacred, then you paused.

The more that I hold is more that I cry.

I don't wanna love... Just survive.

Bound and broken,

I have to learn,

Some more.

Lost and shaken,

Like never before.

The Love that we had. The love that we lost. 

The love I held sacred, then you paused.

The more that I hold is more that I cry.

I don't wanna love... Just survive.

I like writing songs,

And breaking guitars.

Coz it helps me forget,

Who you were.

I like losing myself,

In the dark.

Coz it helps me forget,

Who you were.

Life in images.

Painting life,
Like a picture,
So we won’t forget.

Leaving out,
All the faces,
Draw the silhouette.

Tonight will end soon,
So let me paint you.

Cause my mind’s running,
In fear that,
We may soon forget.

Our only time.
So we try, and we fail,
Just to keep it all alive.
We wait, for the fate,
To turn it back, to the part,
Where we know it all began.
Right to the start, of this.

Searching for,
The keys of all the,
Locks inside our head.

Finding just,
A blurry picture,
Clear it up instead.

Won’t you try and lend a hand,
Just help me out.

Cause I can’t think,
Of the everything,
I might leave something out.

Our only time.
So we try, and we fail,
Just to keep it all alive.
We wait, for the fate,
To turn it back, to the part,
Where we know it all began.
Right to the start, of this.

Now it’s all,
Here again,
It’s all in my head.
And I will never,
Forget this day.

Our only time.
So we try, and we fail,
Just to keep it all alive.
We wait, for the fate,
To turn it back, to the part,
Where we know it all began.
Right to the start, of this.

There it goes.

You led me on,
Had me thinking we were real.

There wasn’t a thing,
That you would really feel.

I played my part,
In the sick game that you made.

I don’t need you now,
To find my way.

There goes the pain,
Weight off my shoulders.
I drop the chains,
Lightened my arms.
There goes the world,
Lost in translation.
You’ve lost your hold,
Over my emotion.
There it goes.

I know it scares you that,
I can be something more,
Than what you planned for me.

You may feel confident,
That you have broken,
The little humanity left in me.

But now I don’t need you,
Don’t need your games to play,
I’m leaving today

Now you don’t control me,
You can’t take away from me,
All that I am.

There goes the pain,
Weight off my shoulders.
I drop the chains,
Lightened my arms.
There goes the world,
Lost in translation.
You’ve lost your hold,
Over my emotion.
There it goes.

We’ve lost the feeling,
It has no meaning,
Just let it go.

Psychosis.

It’s a different kind of,
Motivation.

A darkened kind of,
Emotion.

A wrong but fitting,
Solution.

An answer cause to,
Evolution.

I keeps me crying for,
Some peace within.
I makes me find,
A doubt in everything.
Demons in my head,
Inside my psychosis,
Which I can’t repel.

Feeding on the wrong,
Information.

Dancing in my head a new,
Recreation.

Looking for a reason for a,
Revolution.

Or is this just some kind of,
Natural selection.

I keeps me crying for,
Some peace within.
I makes me find,
A doubt in everything.
Demons in my head,
Inside my psychosis,
Which I can’t repel.

I think that I should start,
My own religion.

It seems the only sane,
Explanation.

No one thinks I’m crazy,
If I call it devotion.

I’ll forever me remembered,
For my contribution.

My life will be,
The front page.
Defying death,
Create an age.
Demons in my head,
Inside my psychosis.
Which I won’t repel,
So they treat me well.

End of Days.

There's a man walking around,

Taking names.

He will decide who's up,

And who lost the game.

You know everyone wont be,

Treated all the same.

Be sure not make,

Even a sound.

When you see that old man,

Come around.

You will scream out in terror,

And freeze.

Your breath will leave you,

On a strong breeze.

He will decide who goes,

And who remains.

Hear closely now,

As he explains.

The time for retribution,

Has arrived.

The names of the sinners,

Have been derived.

Those who sinned,

Will be left behind.

The rest of us get a chance,

To hit rewind.

The lonely man,

Leads the way.

Guiding those,

Who've gone astray.

He turns around to see,

Those who follow him.

Right behind him,

The crowd has gone thin.

Conversation.

I met God,

On the corner,

Of a dusty boulevard.

I saw him stand,

With broken clothes.

And a cigarette,

In his hand.

I had to know,

Where was he,

When my time was low?

What was wrong,

Where had You been,

All along?

Where was He,

When the old man,

Was killing me?

Were you lost,

Or didn't You,

Realise, what it cost?

I met God,

On the corner,

Of a dusty boulevard.

I saw him stand,

With broken clothes.

And a cigarette,

In his hand.

Was it something,

Wrong in my part.

Was it something,

I should have known,

From the start?

Why didn't You help me,

Couldn't you hear me cry?

Why did you,

Let me bleed there and die?

I met God,

On the corner,

Of a dusty boulevard.

I saw him stand,

With broken clothes.

And a cigarette,

In his hand.

He held me hand,

And led me away.

He told me child,

I couldn't let you stray.

Here in this world,

I made with my hand.

Among all this evil,

You were too good to stand.

You maybe dying,

But look at me face.

Follow me onward,

To a better place.

I met God,

On the corner,

Of a dusty boulevard.

I saw him stand,

With broken clothes.

And a cigarette,

In his hand.

The Killer.

"Why would you kill me?"

Asked the pastor to the thief,

"Is it because you're poor,

Or because you have no belief?"

"Or do you do it,

So your table has food,

Or does my life depend,

On convenience and mood?"

The thief said, "Father,"

"I know that I sin,

But you know not the turmoil,

That I hold within."

"I was not always this man,

I could not kill even a bee,

But one night changed my life,

With the death of my family."

"Since then I believe,

That there cannot be a god,

And for preaching in his name,

You are no more than a fraud."

The pastor said, "Son,"

"Maybe life is not as you see,

Just because your love died,

Does not mean you cannot be free."

"You may choose to murder,

Loot, steal and kill,

Or you could try and listen,

To your own free will."

"True," replied the killer,

And brought the gun to a head,

He squeezed on the trigger,

And the pastor lay dead.

"My child never sinned,

And nor did my wife,

Then tell me this father,

Why didn't the lord spare their life?"

"In His name you spoke,

In your preachings you lied,

I find it ironic then,

That with his teachings you died."

The killer stepped outside,

From church and Lord's home,

Again he realised,

That he was truly alone.

He reached for the paper,

That he held in his hand,

And he crossed another name,

As he cleansed the land.

He stepped in the rain,

Slowly he moved on,

Another preacher had to pay,

Before the break of dawn.

Trapeze Artist.

How long had it been,

I just cannot say.

Coz the day I had arrived,

Looked a look like today.

The years rolled by,

And the seasons changed.

But everything inside me,

Still seems the same.

How can I say,

What happened in my life.

When I don't even know,

Why I'm still alive.

The days have all gone,

As the sun rose and set.

And someday I will die,

Without a drop of regret.

Everyone wants to ask,

Why am I here?

What is in my life,

And what do I fear?

I know not what to say,

For I don't know myself.

But I tell them the answers,

Are the same as yourself.

Why is it then?

That life comes around.

When all that I had lost,

Was someday found.

What do you say?

When you seek no answers.

You tell who ask the questions,

Why do they wonder?

Why do they care,

What I have to say?

How does it matter,

To them anyway?

Why do they wonder,

Under which sky I lie?

Does it even matter,

Wether I live or die.

P.S.> I've been on a roll. I don't know why, I don't know how, I don't even know if all that I wrote in these 2 days of March, is even worth anything. All I know is, I've felt this urge to write and for some reason I'm thinking too much. I just felt the need to put it in words and tried to make them as songs, but they are not. 

These last few works are poems, no matter how much I try to deny it or change it. People will scoff, ridicule, point and amuse themselves. Or maybe they will wonder for a deeper meaning. If you are a part of the wonderers, then please, just regard these as nothing more than a youth's ramblings put into rhyming prose. 

"I'm not a poet. I hate the term. I consider myself to be a trapeze artist, swinging from words to phrases and thoughts to ideas. I carefully balance the words and attempt to keep the reader's eyes on me throughout my act of a few verse. Maybe some lose sight and some find it boring, I find it a way to express myself to those around me." -- Bob Dylan.