I win?

When I say
I love you more,
I'm not starting
some romantic competition.
I'm simply saying it
as a comparative term.

I'm saying I love you more
than a sea loves a shore
and I want to kiss you just as much
as they do in a day.

It's just the plain truth
that my love is stronger
that a bird's love for song.
Although sometimes,
I admit,
I am out of tune.

I would still say I love you more
than a dying man loves life
or a drowning man
loves breath.

More than autumn leaves
love the wind.
More than dark chocolate loves to melt.

I think I might even love you
more than dogs love belly rubs.

So you see this isn't a contest,
not with you at least.

This is just stating a fact
that I love you more
than gravity loves to pull.

Because the forces at work here
are stronger than the threads
precariously holding
the universe together.
And definitely
far more mysterious.

So the next time I say,
I love you more,
just accept the fact
that the sun, moon, and stars
cannot even compare
to how bright my soul feels
when you say
I love you more too.

Let it flow

let me be sad
for a little while

let me slit these veins
and let the words flow out
like lightning emerging
from colliding clouds

with fractal roots
to join the ground
like reaching arms
from positive
to negative

because two forces are needed
to create friction
and without friction
there can be no motion

so let me be naked
with these words on white
let me splatter them right
in a way that matters
to me at least

let me rant
just grant
me the freedom
to be incorrect
in any shape or form
let me break
what you'd call the norm

let me shatter
let me feel what is wrong
so i can make it right
and fight
till the page runs out
till the ink comes to a stop
till the pixels cease
to blink and taunt

let me drown
in these foolish emotions
that cause commotion
like a floundering cat
in the deep end of the sea
let me be me

i don't need to be happy to smile
i don't need to know the way
to find
what i may have lost
in a corner of my mind

so let me be sad
for once
don't lift these lips
don't cheer me on
because i will come back
and i will be the same
but for the moment
let me be
insane

Mindful of sounds

silent thoughts
are the loudest things
scrawling and scratching
on cranium walls

they invade the brain
and jostle for space
clanking and clamouring
for a second glance

like skeleton armies
with a marching drum
their footsteps clod
and echo forever

they wage endless wars
for a little attention
flailing and fighting
cacophony rising

with endless effort
they keep on going
grunting and groaning
their constant blare

but outside the mind
not a peep escapes
as the clockwork rumbles
as the machines crank
of a silent thought
never to be heard

28 years

today i grow too old
to ever die young
on an alien shore
without my loved one

today i jump over
the edge of my heroes
and it feels a lot
like i'm counting zeroes

today is the day
of my mid life crisis
somehow i must find
a way to get past this

today is too long
without anyone i know
i'm a leaf without a tree
going where the river flows

today i'm alone
and i'll never forget
i've left behind my people
in the arms of regret

today i'm a log
i'm a dead branch floating
as i turn twenty eight
without fear or loathing

today i'm sober
too sober to bear
not a drink in my hand
no greens to burn my care

today is the beginning
of a new year upon us
i'm thinking i have hope
but i'm just an ignoramus

today i grow too old
to ever die young
and i feel my lonely race
has only just begun

Ether-real

You are the galaxy in spin
and I am in love with your all
With every planet
that blooms with life within

I am in love with every star
that guides my sight
with the supernovae
that you hold
like raindrops on spiderwebs

You are the galaxy in spin
my dearest love
and I am swimming lost
in your nebulae

I am drowning
in every black hole
that pulls me in
and pulls me apart
as a sugar cube in warm coffee

You are the galaxy in spin
and the universe around it
all creation trembles
with your every lovely moan

And I have fallen
time and again
for every trace of energy
and glint of dark matter
as a cat chasing a light on the wall

You are the galaxy in spin
and all I want
is to spin with you
till we collide
like celestial constellations
and our private big bang
discovers a new dimension

For darker days

You are enough.
All the naysayers
and storm brewers
don't know you.
All the backstabbers
and chance grabbers
can't feel you.

You are enough.
All the life that leaks from your eyes
All the watts in your smile
All the imperfections
in your cascading hair
cannot hide that fact.

You are enough.
Don't think of those who say you aren't.
Don't believe those lies.
They can't see
with open eyes
the sun that rises within you.

You are enough.
The sky rolls off your lips.
The night swims in your iris.
The world hasn't seen
more glorious flaws
than the ones scarring your soul.

There is delight in your mistakes.
There is laughter in your tears.
There is beauty
in every shadow you imagine
traversing your palpitations.
The blind fools around you
can never understand why.
Can never see how.
But trust me,
you are enough.

Coniferous monstrous

A forest clouds
the path with trees
their reaching branches
kill every breeze.

The leaves here shake
with whispers of fear.
The monsters are awake
their whimpers are near.

Long shadows are cast
blocking each sign.
Vines crowd the path
though they seem benign.

The journey becomes
a trek through the dark.
No hint that it's day.
No rays, no spark.

The canopy hides
birds and beasts of prey.
The hunter has become
the hunted today.

Trunks grown old
sprout faces of pain,
one sight of the nightmare,
and you'll never sleep again.

But worry not traveller
you need no chance to rest,
this haunted patch of soil
will put you to the test.

Though the path seems lost
and fate seems grim
trust the way forward.
Trust your mind and it's whims.

Though the forest seems thick,
with sunlight blocked away,
you're sure to find the light
you'll surely find a way.

This forest of dreams
with its threatening eyes
can't lay a finger on you
won't take you by surprise.

At the other side of this
lies the road green and wide.
Don't give in to the darkness
that much you must decide.

Wander beyond the forest
and you'll find the way you lost.
You'll turn around and wonder
how you never paid the cost.

Of stepping through nightmares
and fears given form.
Of walking beyond madness.
Of braving the turgid storm.

By trekking through this forest
of hallucinating air.
Can you defeat what is in it
and save everything you care.

Rigor mortis

Permanent damage
seems to be done.
By words that were said,
by the absence of some.

An incurable tumor
afflicts the heart.
Insufferable to bear.
Impossible to rip apart.

A cloud of doubt
hides away the moon.
Like a shadow of the end,
a premonition of doom.

Surgery is required
or maybe a wiccan spell.
Is it a curse or an illness?
It's too early to tell.

A fear has set in
like first frost on a lake.
This coldness that creeps
too persistent to shake.

There's a dread floating now
as spilt oil upon water,
refusing to dissolve
or live with each other.

This scar on the soul,
still fresh enough to bleed,
those spiteful insults
must have done the deed.

Sectumsempra of Snape
is cast upon my mind.
Slashing sharp memories
at angles of all kind.

The death of this is looming
as an army on the horizon.
The worst of it is brewing,
even worse is yet to come.

Insatiable

I want to swallow you
with my eyes sometimes.
I want to drink
your every word.

I want to consume
the very air you exhale,
I want to gorge
on all your sounds.

Your movements strike
a pining in me,
at the sight of you
My gut growls.

I'm famished without
that scent of yours,
I'm parched for
a stolen glance.

I want to inhale
all these thoughts of you.
I want to choke
on your mellow sighs.

I want to devour
every memory of you.
I want to feast on you
All my life.

Fool's love

it's foolish to say
that i'll love you till the end of time
when I'd rather love you
till time runs out
so i can grab it by the scruff
and obediently take it back

because it's foolish to say
i'll love you only forever
when the truth is closer
to infinity plus some
not some paltry phrase
that fairy tales always skip

and it's foolish to say
that i love you more
than this world knows
because people are idiots
and their combined knowledge
falls short of knowing this

for it's foolish to say
that i'll love you blindly
when i've never seen clearer
or felt life dearer
than after the moment
you said you were mine

i know it's foolish to say
that i love you like this
till the end of forever blind
because the fact remains
that from all the ways to love
i love you most like a fool.

Club 27

Now here i am
Past the gates of 27,
When the idols i adored
Were already in heaven.
No this isn't a rant
About failing to die young.
The Jims and the Kurts
Had had their share of fun.
Me? I'm still reaching
For my piece of immortality.
Not at the barrel of a gun
Or the urge of gravity.

So here i stand
At the gates of 27,
With a life i adore
Bless the devil in heaven.
Past childhood joy
And grown-up sins I've come.
With the scars of others
Beyond the lessons of some.
And I'll still be reaching
Till the soul has its rhythm,
Sure as the shattering of white
When light hits a prism.

So now i step
Past the gates of 27,
To my chance in the world
My kingdom of heaven.
But a question still persists,
Beyond Jimi's tragic fame,
If he hadn't this way died
Would the fervour be the same?
Maybe death is resurrection,
As science fiction suggests,
But too bitter a truth
For any of us to digest.

But I promised this wouldn't be
An ode to death at 27.
The most cliche topic to pick
Talking of those in heaven.
So let me instead wrap up
With a happy-tasting thought,
At least we've survived
All the troubles life has wrought.
So let's forget the madness
And put old ghosts to rest,
Because 26 is over
And the rest of my life comes next.

Unhinged

with you
i lose myself completely
akin to a madman
placed between walls of foam

or a locked up innocent
who chanced upon a key

it's just that easy with you
to understand
what reckless abandon
truly means

until now i believed
it meant the abandonment
of fear
of death
embarrassment
and so forth

but when i stand
with you
it's abandoning myself
in ways that would
earlier seem frightfully
unwelcome

it's more than freedom
with you
it's more than living it up
or sipping from the cup of life
it is instead
the breaking of walls
the being alive in living
and downing
the whole damn bottle
that the gods offered

you've raised the bar
of everything
that the others failed at
so miserably
so spectacularly
and ever so thankfully

and i will always applaud
the string of happy accidents
that led to me
being given the chance
of losing myself
with you

Today is men's day

for the longest time
i've been scared of saying this
we'll get to what 'this' is in a minute
but the reason I've been scared
isn't because of some internal demon
instead it's a fear of being judged
or even beaten down
and thrashed in the street
by zealous activists
who will see my words as kerosene
and choose to light them up
instead of paying them heed

for the longest time,
i've been unsure of saying this
so it's about time
that the length is cut short
because today is men's day
and no one gives a fuck
so i might as well start
by speaking my mind

what I want to say
will be unwelcome to many
and rightfully so
but remember Aristotle
and all his wisdom
that an intelligent mind
entertains an idea
without accepting it

so here goes
the truth i've been supressing
for the longest time
is that your redefinition
of feminism
has gone too far

read that again
it is as slanderous as you thought -
your feminism
has crossed the line

now before you reach
for those Jimmy Choo shoes
and point a heel my way
or pull some pepper spray
from your Prada handbag
and start acting
like a righteous bitch
hold that hand
and hear me out

feminism does not mean
death to man
it should not assume
we are all creeps
feminism doesn't rise
by showing the other gender down
but rather by affirming yourself
and educating others
about the changing times
i've grown up with an elder sister
and a household
probably more 'awakened'
than most

while you were all outside
fighting for female freedoms
in my home,
we had already addressed it
so thrusting your feminism
and the way you've morphed it
into a sickle ready to slash
across my peaceful throat
defeats the purpose
with which your fight began

the way things are going
it's an aura of hatred
being bred around anyone
who is even innocently
favoring any man
as if the only way
to prop up your cause
is to break the legs
of the the other side

because these days it's strange
that your feminism has changed
how people see
even basic acts of chivalry

it reminds of the other day
i was at a party with strangers
and offered to drop a girl home
because i was going the same way
yes, she was drunk
yes, so was i
and yes, it was frightfully late
but she gave me a look
as if i'd asked her to undress
instead of accepting my services
without a bigoted lens
in her feminist mind
my offer was an advance
and my protection
was reduced to perversion
that i would take the first chance
to get in her skirt

don't you see
your feminism
is killing the man i am?
turning my testicles
into some totem of evil
that i carry around
as proof of shared guilt
for the rest of my clan
when you women are just as sexist
and superficially driven
when you drool at Clooney
and scoff when i ask
if you'd sleep with Jack Black

your feminism today
is just a weapon
that suits your purposes
a fashion statement
a golden dildo
meant to fuck any of us
who dare think otherwise
because who can ever say
that women are wrong
or anything short
of superhuman beings
with sadly written roles
who need nothing more
than being saved
from this hurtful society

i've thought this through
for the longest time
wondering if i am wrong
in seeing the way things stand
there is, after all,
an urgent need
to balance the scales
that nature built off-key

no matter how you look
at the way things are
the fact remains
that men and women
are not equal
and we were never meant to be
for even in prides of lions
and herds of elephants
the roles are decided
by the genitalia given
and not by what each animal wants

maybe it's true
that we are an evolved race
trying to escape
what nature has written down
it is most commendable
and probably even
the reason of evolution
to break out
from our circumstance

but your feminism
has changed it all
into a battle of sexes
where both sides feel
they are somehow wronged
except in today's world
no one gives a fuck
about men's day
and every brand out there

from cars to condoms
eagerly waits
for the women's equivalent
to come along

for the longest time
i've tried not to say this
because it is undoubtedly
slightly offensive
you might even accuse me
of being a sexist male
but that's just because
you don't know me at all
i just want to point to the truth
that the scales are tipping
and before long
we will search for a 'real man'
much like we search
for the 'independent woman'
of today

your aggressive feminism
and the thirst for male blood
will eventually result
in a disfigured soceity
where every man must think
twice about his actions
even when it's as simple
as offering a stranger
a free ride home
with no strings attached

maybe it's ironic too
that this will be dismissed
as a testosterone rant
but if a woman had said it
she'd be lauded for equality

examine your lens
you warrior of vaginas
and you'll see the middle path
where there is no need
for you to battle men
and no chance for us
to ever do you wrong
because it's an unending war
no matter how you look at it
just accept that we are
different from birth
and neither is lesser
than the other
until our actions
prove it to be so

Searching for serenity

the life you seek,
that home you want.
it's out there
somewhere.

wedged between
skyscrapers,
built from fears
of premature endings.

the future you asked for,
that vision you saw,
it's out there
somewhere.

it's as near
or as far
as you make it
so just take it.

it isn't built of glass
for you to worry
about cracking it,
by touching it.

the only concern
that you should have
is losing it
by confusing it.

with overthought
and being overwrought
with worries
that have no weight.

that safety you seek,
the dream you've seen,

it's out there,

somewhere.

no map will take you.
no app can guide you.
but step forth with me
and we'll find it.

because the truth my love,
is that you cannot reach it,
for it isn't a place
or mark on paper.

but one you have to build
with bricks of love
and mortar of trust
under a roof called patience.

that is the life you seek,
the home you want,
and it's right here,

my dear. 

Reflex

i moved the tiny icons
on my home screen today
and i ended up launching
minion rush two
instead of calling your phone
by mistake.

reaching you has become
muscle memory to me.

it requires no vision,
no conscious senses,
sometimes, i fear -
not even a thought.

just the other day,
i was on a moss ridden local,
and i don't have a clue
how your voice was in my ear
before the wheels
had found new ground.

i know Skype shortcuts now,
they are really strange on a mac.

but i'm looking at the screen.
waiting for some movement.
while my digits contort
into command+shift+R.

i tried to train Google Now
to understand your name
but my accent isn't
nearly as precise
or as fluid as these fingers,
that need no lessons.

but i'm sure some day
i can just utter some words,
"i'm home" maybe -
and my hands will reach out,
not to find technology
but your touch instead.

When?

It's kind of strange,
how you've changed
the way I feel
about the clock.

When you are here
the seconds split
so that each becomes
many lifetimes combined.

It's a little unnerving,
the way you're curving
my lens of time
into a concave form.

So it seems to me
that reality bends
like a hall of mirrors
effortlessly destroyed.

With you I feel
that minutes dissolve,
like dandelion blooms
tossed to the wind.

But it's really absurd
how you've served
in changing what
they used to mean.

And I cannot shake
how easily you make
me lose both sense
and track of my mind.

Without you it's true
I have nothing better to do
than count the seasons
until our lives collide.

Hive lives

i’ve heard rumours of
these humans who exist,
that are easily
appeased.

true or not,
i have been told,
they ask no more
than a good night’s sleep.

they work like ants
and conserve
each crumb,
that’s collected
day by day.

they leave at five
to commute for miles
and reach four bare walls
they call home.

there is evidence,
of this breed of man
that is content
with mediocre dreams.
of building a family
and raising a spawn,
to further
their own inadequacies.

they are many,
and they do exist,
everywhere that i peek.

but they are not
my patrons or peers
nor company i will seek.

but if you spot,
these folk, of whom
rumours are abound,
be sure to catch
their downcast eyes -
so you remember
what not to become.

Ascension

There's a man out there
who wishes to overcome
every wall in the world.

Not the metaphorical ones,
those are too tedious
for even the seasoned explorer,

This mortal yearns
to grab, inch and crawl
up till the top of every rock.

He says he knows
it's his life and purpose
to scale surfaces
till gravity embraces him.

But does he not understand
that even if he lives climbing
he will probably die falling,
not doing what he loves?

I wonder if there is greater truth
behind this vertically inclined man.
If his madness for mountains
can help me understand.

About the common question
we sooner or later raise,
whether in halls of stone
or by our fathers graves.

What is the purpose of this
fleeting existence?
When all that is made will end
and all this has come only to go?

Is it to blindly keep climbing
till the unseen zenith?
Hoping to find a meaning
by giving society the slip?

But seeing the man rise
with edge of nail and tip of toe
I get a sense of his reason.

Of why he could never
stay down below.

I see his gamble with the forces
his fight with humanity's pull.
I think I feel his paces
and he isn't as much a fool.

I guess we all live climbing,
whether a ladder or a wall.
The trick that I can see,
is to beat your fear of falling
or you won't be able
to climb at all.

Strangely deranged [11]

What the hell was he thinking?
Did he assume for one ache-filled moment
that this glowing concrete world
would welcome him with open arms?
Was he blind and deaf in his belief
that his particular genre of scum
is allowed in their diamond palaces?
What a stupendous idea.
What a misguided fool he is.
This isn't a life that can accommodate him.
His words are too vitreous.
His appearance too jarring.
His dreams too humble.
They do not rise
to the towering glory that is expected of men in this land.
He is more like the weed that grows amongst their lush green gardens.
Allowed to survive
as long as he remains blissfully out of sight.
As long as his existence
doesn't become an inconvenience to their perfect lives.

What did he imagine?
Life would be as simple as it had always been?
That his kind would be found freely walking these hallowed halls?
If so, he truly is the King of Fools.
For in this world, he is expected to be like the rest.
It is demanded that he fall in line
or step way from it.
There is no room here for the stray branch.
No space for minds as bent as his own.
Their eyes do not see what he wishes they would.
Their ideas do not fit together.
Their thoughts will always clash.
It would be better if he just surrendered to their ways.
Survival here means clipping his wings.
Or forgetting he ever had them.
Living here is defined by the quality of livelihood.
By the means he can provide,
not the ideas he can birth.

He really is the fool they make him out to be.
For intruding on their idyllic lives.
For having his own views of life.
For falling in love.
He should never have done that.
He should have kept his ruined heart to himself.
He should never have dared to reach out to one
from this perfectly pruned world.
He risks destroying her now.
The one he loves.
The one who stops all his thoughts.
But then again,
she is what he was thinking of in the first place.

Night vision

she always slept
with her face to the sky.
he always dreamt
with his ear to the ground.
maybe it was the fact
that her sights were upward and on,
while his thoughts
came from what was in and around.

they say true love
is opposites attracting
to a common misunderstanding,
but maybe it's just
finding the other idiot
who fills the gaps
when you go to bed at night.

she always kept
a sliver of her eye open,
as if searching for a glimpse
of a dream within the dream.
wishing the other were real
and the one being lived
a bit less so.

she always lay
with her eardrums blocked out
to the sounds of neighbours.
she would instead
be that much gladder
with the voice of his exhale
filling her void.

love is blind
some others tell me
but i know the truth
with each waking morn;
it is the eyes
that sleep wide shut
in which you see
it's your dreams
that survive.