Wednesday, May 23, 2018

I win?

When I say
I love you more,
I'm not starting
some romantic competition.
I'm simply saying it
as a comparative term.

I'm saying I love you more
than a sea loves a shore
and I want to kiss you just as much
as they do in a day.

It's just the plain truth
that my love is stronger
that a bird's love for song.
Although sometimes,
I admit,
I am out of tune.

I would still say I love you
more than a dying man loves life
or a drowning man
loves breath.

More than autumn leaves
love falling slowly.
More than dark chocolate loves to melt.

I think I might even love you
more than dogs love belly rubs.

So you see this isn't a contest,
not with you at least.

This is just stating a fact
that I love you more
than gravity loves to pull.

Because the forces at work here
are stronger than the threads
precariously holding
the universe together.
And definitely
far more mysterious.

So the next time I say,
I love you more,
just accept the fact
that the sun, moon, and stars
cannot even compare
to how bright my soul feels
when you say
I love you more too.

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Let it flow

let me be sad
for a little while

let me slit these veins
and let the words flow out
like lightning emerging
from colliding clouds

with fractal roots
to join the ground
like reaching arms
from positive
to negative

because two forces are needed
to create friction
and without friction
there can be no motion

so let me be naked
with these words on white
let me splatter them right
in a way that matters
to me at least

let me rant
just grant
me the freedom
to be incorrect
in any shape or form
let me break
what you'd call the norm

let me shatter
let me feel what is wrong
so i can make it right
and fight
till the page runs out
till the ink comes to a stop
till the pixels cease
to blink and taunt

let me drown
in these foolish emotions
that cause commotion
like a floundering cat
in the deep end of the sea
let me be me

i don't need to be happy to smile
i don't need to know the way
to find
what i may have lost
in a corner of my mind

so let me be sad
for once
don't lift these lips
don't cheer me on
because i will come back
and i will be the same
but for the moment
let me be

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Mindful of sounds

silent thoughts
are the loudest things
scrawling and scratching
on cranium walls

they invade the brain
and jostle for space
clanking and clamouring
for a second glance

like skeleton armies
with a marching drum
their footsteps clod
and echo forever

they wage endless wars
for a little attention
flailing and fighting
cacophony rising

with endless effort
they keep on going
grunting and groaning
their constant blare

but outside the mind
not a peep escapes
as the clockwork rumbles
as the machines crank
of a silent thought
never to be heard

Monday, December 14, 2015

28 years

today i grow too old
to ever die young
on an alien shore
without my loved one

today i jump over
the edge of my heroes
and it feels a lot
like i'm counting zeroes

today is the day
of my mid life crisis
somehow i must find
a way to get past this

today is too long
without anyone i know
i'm a leaf without a tree
going where the river flows

today i'm alone
and i'll never forget
i've left behind my people
in the arms of regret

today i'm a log
i'm a dead branch floating
as i turn twenty eight
without fear or loathing

today i'm sober
too sober to bear
not a drink in my hand
no greens to burn my care

today is the beginning
of a new year upon us
i'm thinking i have hope
but i'm just an ignoramus

today i grow too old
to ever die young
and i feel my lonely race
has only just begun

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Wandering home

i could be a traveler
taking weary roads
where no one goes

i could
be a hermit
hiding away
in a dusty hole

for you to call me
bring me in
and remind me

all roads
lead to home
to your arms
when we're alone

all roads
lead to home
take me in
on your own

i could be a sailor
on the roughest seas
that no one dares go

i could
be an explorer
getting lost
on the horizon

for the familiar
in an alien
unknown shore

but all roads
lead to home
in your arms
when we're alone

all roads
lead to home
take me in
make me strong

wherever i go
i will find you
whatever i do
my compass
points to you

every journey
that i take
will bring me
right there next to you

all roads
lead to home
to your arms
where we can be alone

Friday, November 27, 2015


You are the galaxy in spin
and I am in love with your all
With every planet
that blooms with life within

I am in love with every star
that guides my sight
with the supernovae
that you hold
like raindrops on spiderwebs

You are the galaxy in spin
my dearest love
and I am swimming lost
in your nebulae

I am drowning
in every black hole
that pulls me in
and pulls me apart
as a sugar cube in warm coffee

You are the galaxy in spin
and the universe around it
all creation trembles
with your every lovely moan

And I have fallen
time and again
for every trace of energy
and glint of dark matter
as a cat chasing a light on the wall

You are the galaxy in spin
and all I want
is to spin with you
till we collide
like celestial constellations
and our private big bang
discovers a new dimension

Thursday, October 22, 2015

The Plunge

Every once in a while, a moment arrives in your life on which sails your entire future. It's a change in the tides that forever defines life as it was and the way it will be. Ano domini and before christ, as the catholics preach it. Except, this applies on a much more personal scale.

This decisive journey may stretch for a month, a week, a year or an instant. But what it changes lasts forever. Both the past and the future rest on this fulcrum. The best you can do is prepare for it. Because even if you mistakenly imagine that you hold some control over it, the fact is you have as much sway as a sailor has on the sea. Much like the hapless explorer caught in a storm, all you can do is shift the sails and hope for the best while preparing for the worst. 

These moments aren't immediately visible either. They rise like rocks from a fog which could either sink you or provide a safe shore. The only thing you can do is identify the depth of the water around you and pray accordingly. The key, is not losing hope. The secret doesn't lie in the navigators hand nor the captain of your ship. It is held tight by the winds and the waves.

At this all consuming moment, the way to survive is to become the sea. While there may be sirens calling you to the rocks and the tide pulling you in to certain death, the most important thing is to act like a raft. You may sink. You may crash against the levee and find yourself stranded on unfamiliar isles. But that is the beauty of the moment. The sinking isn't failing. The end isn't the doom. It is simply the way it should be.

Because the point of it isn't to take control but rather to learn how to let go. No matter how long you fight the storm, the expert sailor knows you are at it's mercy. And all the fight expends is precious energy which you will need when the moment passes.

So, if ever this shifting in the tides of life suddenly grips your ship, fear not. Remember the advice as old as sailing itself. Go with the flow. And you might discover after the ship sinks that you never needed it in the first place.

Thursday, October 8, 2015

It's not a race.

What exactly are we all chasing? Life doesn't have to be a constant run to an ideal destination. There is no ideal destination. We all arrive at different points than we originally set out on. Some want to paint but become bankers. Others want to cook but become advertisers. But what they all share in common is a winding road that brought them to a place they never saw at the start of the journey.

Sure, some of us lucky ones get to be where we want to be. But that dream life is a station passing on the tracks. For a few sparse moments, it will all align and you will spend a few days at Dreamville. Each of us go through that happy time. Some are unlucky enough to reach it in school itself while others only arrive at it a few years before the inevitable end. But I sometimes wonder, where would they have gone if given a choice?

You see, the truth is that we can't live in Dreamville all our life. Everything gets boring after a while. Even chocolate. And that's when we get back on the train and get back to another chase. We think, "Hey, I fulfilled this dream. Let me find a new one now." But why? Why do so few of us choose to stay at the closest thing to our dream life?

I think it's because society ingrains an imaginary hunger in us. It tells us to keep going. To keep chugging. To supersize life. To never be satisfied. As if being content is akin to having given up. That there's somehow something wrong with not wanting a career. Not wanting to rise up the ladder of a corporate scale is made to feel like a weakness. I myself believed that. In fact, a part of me still does. But the question mark is growing bigger and bigger.

No rule of modern life is meant for comfort. That isn't something you are allowed to reach on your own. You have to buy it at discount rates from Swedish designer stores. You have to stock it in a can in the fridge until you are ready to be comforted. They attach labels on things and convince you that comfort comes with a bill and sometimes with an added service tax. They con you into believing happiness is always just out of reach and, worry not, you'll get there eventually. IF not, you can visit for a while with this expensive ticket away from your home. They call it ambition and make motivational posters to decorate wafer-thin cubicle walls. They thrust smiling faces from stock photographs in your face as examples of people who've 'made it'. And the whole time I can't help but feel, no one makes it.

Because, if you really examine it, here's the incredible truth - happiness isn't passing you by. It's right there and you are ignoring it like a station on the way to Greater Satisfaction that may or may not arrive. Don't mistake happiness as not being sad. If your loved one dies, there is no happiness there. But, if you pull out and examine the timeline of your life, you'll realise that such sadness is momentary. The greater happiness can be taken by the hands and carried with you.

I feel we understand this fact as children. You give a child a balloon and his life is fulfilled. He isn't happy just for the moment. His life seems made. He doesn't worry that the balloon will burst. In fact, after the first one does, he probably won't care if it bursts. To a child, that balloon means his life is complete. You might argue that it's ignorance that leads to this happiness because the child doesn't understand the world yet. But that only strengthens what I said earlier, that society ingrains it in us. It tells us to be unhappy. So that you can get used to it. It disguises the fact by telling you not everyone can be happy, but the truth is not everyone can be successful by society's standards. And not everyone has to be.

Look at all the successful people in the world who are either depressed or drugging themselves to crack a smile. Because the word on the grapevine says you can never be satisfied. A little birdy comes along and shits in their ear. So much so that they forget how happy the balloon made them as a kid. Our education teaches us to measure ourselves against others, it never shows us our own value. And when a majority of the population is chewed and spat out by this system, it becomes a belief.

So we accept unhappiness as the only thing that can make us strive. We even pull a blanket over our heads and say, "You can only know what's happiness when you've first known sadness. So, I have to get through this and strive harder than the rest." I call bullshit on that. If working harder made you happier, slaves would've been smiling.

This illusion that we have to chase, that life has to be lived by the minute and on-the-move is the greatest lie we ever bought into. And now they've designed the world around it. Fast cars to spend more money on. Fast trains to get you to a dead-end job sooner. Fast internet to distract you with more, quicker. Fast lives because you know that life is passing you by. Look at all the successful people on your friend's list. Look at their magnificent lives with a million Instagram filters. Unless you have that, you won't be happy. You can't be happy. You aren't allowed to be happy.

Because happiness is supposed to be this drug reserved for the few. It lies at the top of a mythical peak which your career has to summit before you are a certain age. And then you have to fight to remain there. We run ourselves dry chasing a dream and, somewhere along the way, we forget that we can dream by simply closing our eyes. We have the power within us and they make us spend our energies in a struggle. And ever so often, they'll throw a few million more into the pit and tell them it's the only way to live. If we can crawl out in one piece, we'll be happy. If we chase long enough, we'll be satisfied.

Yet, when you reach the top, there's another battle waiting. And by the time you realise that it will never end, it's too late. The struggle is the only life we know and casting it aside is like severing a limb. There's a reason the biggest CEO's in the world are unhappy. They have traded their dreams for ultimate focus on one single goal which only 1% will achieve. The other 99 are just there to scare you into believing that anything else is utter failure.

So we chase and we struggle. We fight and we crawl, tooth and nail, to a promised place. To the Ultimate Dreamville where we'll never have to leave again. And in the chase we forget to look out the window and watch the scenery going by. We forget the balloon that made us so happy way back, when we had still had our innocence. All because it's so easy to distract us and so hard to really direct us towards a good life. Because if you think about it, there is no better life out there. All there is, is your life. You can be good where you are and change the world for one other person. Or you can be sad trying to get somewhere else and change a world that, honestly, doesn't give a flying fuck. Because the world doesn't care if you are happy. Only you can. And you have to. The only other option is to keep chasing until your legs give way under you and you suddenly realise that happiness was right behind you all along and, if only you'd slowed down, it could have caught up long ago.