My Last Requiem.

I love the feeling when it falls apart,
I bring up just to watch if fall.

Watch the world go up in flame.
Maybe chaos is my call.

Could this be the end of me,
And all the things I know.

Maybe this is too easy,
There are better ways to go.

Let me go now,
Just let me die,
You know how good it feels?
This is the end,
Its my goodbye,
This is my last requiem.

How can you say I let down,
I cant believe I let you know,

Now I see my defense let you in,
And now you are under my skin.

With your final words,
Does it end?
Or do I wait for it to begin.

Let me go now,
Just let me die,
You know how good it feels?
This is the end,
Its my goodbye,
This is my last requiem.

Screaming in my head,
Its all the devils,
All the things I don't want to see.

In your aching eyes,
I understand the lies,
And all the grief within.

Will you let me go,
And let me die,
Do you have to win?

Let me go now,
Just let me die,
You know how good it feels?
This is the end,
Its my goodbye,
This is my last requiem.



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Now playing: Audioslave - Show Me How To Live
via FoxyTunes

The Perception of Reality.

A number of scientists and theologists have tried to bring a sense of perspective about the human mind and its workings. They have tried to bring about order to the number of thought processes going on in the wonder that is our brain. A number of said scientists have tried to use their magnanimous brains to try and make it understand itself. And along the way, as most experiments go, they stumbled upon a series of startling revelations.

These "startling revelations" created a window of doubt in the iron clad "Laws of Physics". Thus, from the workings of our brains, these scientists found that a number of alternative theories, namely Quantum Theories, had the scope to be proved in the understanding of the human brain. Now here is the body of work that most scientists consider the Judgment Day of Science as we know it. There are infinite possibilities in Quantum Mechanics and if we do try to look at everything at a Quantum level then all the theories and ideas imprinted in our minds from childhood science books counts for null. And there are a number of theories which I took a look at and have attempted to understand at some level. And this promises to be the first of various posts on the topic of breaking down science as we know it.

But let me take this post to a small but interesting theory which falls under the scheme of Quantum Mechanics. The theory concerns reality and parallel universes. Strap down your brain, open up your mind and give a listen. Scientists, physicists and philosophers have looked into the workings of the human mind and found that its capable of over 2 billion calculations per second. In reality we only use about 7000 of this capacity. The rest is being used to create unknown and unrealised thougt processes which we cannot even begin to fathom. Under this situation, through a series of expriments these people found that the human brain has the ability to project backwards and forwards in time(more about that later). And then they got a blurry idea of where the other calculations go. They go into creating alternate realities.

These alternate realities exist at every moment in our lives, and we make decisions every second that affect our selection of reality. There are a million alternate reactions to every small action we take which a normal human brain cannot look into. We consciously make decisions regarding which reality we wish to follow. As soon as we make that decision, what we want to perceive as reality becomes that reality. When we make this choice of reality and its perception, the other parallel realities cease to exist. There is a corollary which says there are means to contact and realise these parallel paths, but the human brain is still not so evolved as to do this effectively.

Now that all the boring science stuff is over, sit back and try to understand the impact of this on our lives. Try and fathom how much each of our actions affects the world around us. If you do a large decision try to go backwards and forwards in the time-space matrix and lookat the reactions, effects and possibilities of a different course of action. Reality is not ever-existent, the only reality is the one we choose to see, the one we choose to accept and live in. The definition of reality is quite literally the choice made by the human brain, and the ability of our less developed minds to perceive this comfortable reality.

Now we have scientific evidence backing our favourite theory that reality is just an illusion. Any relevance to the Matrix here?

My Failure.

In this darkness,
I will be your light,

I will guide you on,
I'll shine bright.

I'll take you home,
On the road you want,

You make it home,
I'll guide you right.

But you keep drowning,
In the dark,
Its my failure now,
Its my failure.
And somehow I feel,
Its just not right,
Its my failure now,
My failure.

I'll be the one,
The one to save you now,
With my only light.

I will save you soon,
Even if it means, I let go,
Of this guiding light.

All you mean to me,
I never knew,
Till you were gone,
It was too late.

But you keep drowning,
In the dark,
Its my failure now,
Its my failure.
And somehow I feel,
Its just not right,
Its my failure now,
My failure.

Ill keep you strong,
When you feel so weak,
Ill pick you up.

And the shadows move,
They show their might,

Its not their victory yet,
Its just the lapse of light here,

Don't worry as I stand,
Ill keep away your fear.

But you keep drowning,
In the dark,
Its my failure now,
Its my failure.
And somehow I feel,
Its just not right,
Its my failure now,
My failure.


Edit: Written to the tune of Late Goodbye by Poets of the Fall. These people inspire me so much that its not funny. I hope to play this song as I'm currently learning it on the guitar. Maybe i'll record and upload it sometime soon.

The tune sort of fits, just need to work around a few missing links and some tones. Will need some working and few weeks more practice on the guitar. Hope I can upload it soon.



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Now playing: Poets Of The Fall - Late Goodbye
via FoxyTunes

I think I may have peed from excitement a little when I saw this.

http://www.worldofwarcraft.com/wrath/intro.xml


Let the orgasmathon begin...

The Dogtown Wars.

Im currently working shortish-long story, something along the lines of SinCity and a very 60's cliched style of writing. This post here is the prologue of the same story. I'll be posting and updating chapters in a separate blog, after my exams get over.
So give this a read and tell me your views so I can work on it and update the story as it develops.

Chapter 1: Prologue.

The last thing I remember was the gunshot, but I couldn't really complain under the circumstance could I. I mean, I knew I was in for a rough time ever since she shimmied through the door. The light making a beautiful silhouette of her perfect body and that long cigarette burning a hole through my mind.

"Got a light?", the question sounded like a poem coming from her perfect red lips. I was surprised the cigarette didn't light itself at such beautiful words. I fumbled with the lighter before she came over, oh so coolly, and lit her cigarette. I wasn't too sure if it was the reflection of the fire in her eyes or something more sinister. I made my peace with the reflection argument, I would find out the truth later on.

There were a million questions running through my mind, "Who is she? Why does she seem so familiar? Whats she doing here? and What does she want?". I decided to start with the first one and work my way down.

"So, I dint quite get your name", very original, Casanova.

"Mylene" she whispered, "Mylene Rivers."

I'm sure she heard my stomach hit the ground. Guess that answers my second question. Now I'm not sure if I should ask the other two. After all, no one will want to be sitting face to face with the mistress of the biggest mobster in Dogtown.

Vadim "The Russian" Alexiev. Few people dared to cross paths with Vadim, those who did had been missing for a long time now. I did not wish to be one of them.

"So you either need my help, or want me dead. Which is it that brings you knocking on my door?"

"I heard about you," the reply seemed convincing, "The cops cant help as Vadi pretty much owns the force, anyone else, and I'm dooming them with me."

"Aah, so you DO want me dead." Maybe I shouldn't be so judgmental, "what makes you so sure I can help you anyway?"

Her answer seemed rehearsed, like one of those actors practicing their lines in front of a mirror a million times, just to get the emotion right, whatever it was, I fell for it; hook, line and sinker.

"I read your story" she said, "about how the Force kicked you out after you killed that kid, how everyone calls you mentally unstable, and how they say you are the only man who could stand up against the mobs of Dogtown."

"You're right on the first count, the second is just a matter of perspective, and as for the third, I wouldn't trust the people who told you that." I felt the need to clear her illusions about me. "What 'they' say is not completely true. Yes, I did take up a little battle against your 'loverboy', " I couldn't help but grin, "and yes I'm still alive, for the most part. But that doesn't mean I'm gonna get lucky again, and there ain't no way I'm putting my neck on the line for no damn good reason, even if the reason is a pretty dame like you."

She replied before I finished my point, "From what I heard, you dint get lucky. Aren't you the man they call Vic Sullivan? or maybe I'm looking for the man you used to be."

"That was a long time ago Miss Rivers. Times have changed, the mob owns Dogtown now, people disappear into the shadows and the body count keeps rising everyday. I don't intend to become just another statistic in the fight between the Russians and the Italians." Every word of this was true. These days everyone was included in the battle for Dogtown. You were either with a side or against it, each side either got you rich quick or dead quicker, it all depended on how good you were at killing people.

"Well I need your help Vic, and I know for a fact that you are the best man for the job. And if you need a reason, I'll give you 200 large for your help," She slapped down one of those thick brown envelopes which you just knew were filled with cash, "Thats a 100,00 , you get the rest after."

She did have a point, sure she was the Mob lord's woman, and sure she had the money in her hand, but I'd be damned if any man could say no once he looked into those beautiful brown eyes. Curse you, Mylene, I knew then, you'd be the end of me.

Read the rest of the story here.

Symmetry.

See the world in black and white,
Only in wrong and right.

You see only war and only peace,
Only broken and one piece.

You never thought there would be,
Anything out of symmetry,
And thats where you went wrong.

Seeing only two things in life,
Nothing you see in between.

You will never see clearly,
You only want complete clarity.

Coz all you ever wanted to see,
Was life in perfect symmetry,
And thats where you went wrong.

How can you only believe,
That we die as we live.

How come you can't see all the grey,
Nothing will change if we stay.

I tried to give you warnings,
But you always ignored me.

Now for your ignorance you pay,
It goes wrong, not matter what you say.

Coz the only thing you see,
Is life in symmetry,
And thats where it all falls down.


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Now playing: Poets of the Fall - Stay
via FoxyTunes

The non-conformist illusion.

The whole world sticks to its twisted and senseless ideals for reasons unknown to man. Most people will follow the system fearing to break out of it. And keeping that system in mind, those who break off from it will unknowingly fall into the same trap of a different system. People who try to bring down the system are not really destroying the concept of a closed system, they are just aiming to replace the current system with a different one. Agreed, the new system might be better than the old one, but sometime or the other each system reaches a stage of saturation and irritation where the next generation will want to bring it down.

No system can last everlong and solve all the problems. Each system has its drawbacks which become apparent over time, and once these drawbacks and flaws are out in the open, the new generation wants to break the system to be viewed as non-conformist by their peers. Thats the irony of the situation, people brand themselves as being against the system, while in reality the only thing they are doing is following a different system. Maybe "against the dominant system" is more fitting, but that still makes a person a conformist for a different ideal. Being non-conformist is just an illusion, and being truly non-conformist means being truly alone in your ideals.

The problem is, most people will try and break out of the system only to be viewed as non-conformist. Such individuals do not believe in the concept of a new system, they just want to break away from the current system so that people view them as "hip" or "cool". Lately I've noticed that the number of such "posers" is going up manifold. Its become a sort of affliction to want to break the system. And most of these people don't realize that they are becoming the sheep of a different herd. The only thing different is the scenery, not the freedom.

The world is ever-changing. And what was unique a few years ago becomes mainstream soon. The newer generation finds something else to call unique and that quickly becomes generic. Thats how trends go, once something becomes overly popular is becomes generic, and the next generation hates what was generic before them and they start flaming it. Within the next 5 years people will start flaming Google like they flame Microsoft right now. What will never change is the "in thing" factor. It will always be the cool thing to do, to rebel against the system. Even though it is temporary and nearly non-existent, Non-conformist is ever-cool.



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Now playing: THE DOORS - When The Music's Over
via FoxyTunes

Music is my life.

When I'm down for the count,
Something keeps me up.

When I feel I'm losing myself,
Music makes me stand up.

All the sound I need to hear,
In the silence of the world.

Music can hold back the fear,
Its all I need for now.

Music keeps me straight and sane,
Music drives away my pain.
Music keeps me on my feet,
Music is all I'll ever need.

Something takes me far away,
Takes me to a better place.

Music makes me travel far,
Its my life, my saving grace.

When nothing seems to go my way,
There's just one thing that I will need.

All I want is to go away,
Music is my following creed.

Music keeps me straight and sane,
Music drives away my pain.
Music keeps me on my feet,
Music is all I'll ever need.

It infuses ideas in my brain,
And strength in weak limbs.
Life seems to go on without pain,
When I am filled with music.

Music keeps me straight and sane,
Music drives away my pain.
Music keeps me on my feet,
Music is all I'll ever need.



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Now playing: Nirvana - Come As You Are
via FoxyTunes

The Measures of Success.

How do you measure a mans success? Is it by the money he's made(Donald Trump) or by the money he's given away(Bill Gates)? Is it by the friends he made(Winston Churchill) or by his enemies(Osama Bin Laden)? Do you measure a successful person by the position he reached in the political system(George Bush) or by the means by which he brought the political system down(Che Guevara)?

What is essentially the gage of a person's success in our world? Does it go by his position in his religion(Pope Benedict) or by his ability to make his own religion(Ron Hubbard)? Does it in fact go by the number of lives he has saved(Louis Pasteur) or by the number of people he has killed(Adolf Hitler)? Do you consider his success as the people he has inspired while alive or after his death(Kurt Cobain)? Is it compared with the material things he procures(Madonna) or by his ability to denounce worldly things(Dalai Lama)? What exactly is the measure of success? Money? Power? Peace? Body Count? Fan Following? The ability to kill? The ability to save lives? What is it that we can measure for all of these people that has us viewing them as successful?

All the people I have quoted above are successful in their own right. But if you compare them, then they have succeeded in contradictory terms. This does cast a cloud on our criteria for considering a person to be successful isn't it? Some people argue that the success of a person is determined by the way in which he "exceeds expectations" in his field of choice. All of these people have truly exceeded expectations in their field of choice, but that does not make them successful by the other measures of life. Some people consider George Bush to be successful because he became president, but is he truly successful if the only reason he will be remembered for is a fool's war?

The truth is, there is no sure way to measure a person's success. Each person is considered successful for different reasons and we have to accept that success is a relative term. All I have considered here is success on an international scale, if we zoom in a bit and localize the consideration of success we find many more contradictions.

I have my own view of the measure of a mans success. I think a successful person should be counted on two things:

1> Was he happy with his own life?
2> Did he bring happiness and joy to those around him and those he touched?

The success of an individual is not measured on his personal achievements, but rather on what people around him think about him. If a person died happily without a regret in his mind, then that person truly lived a successful life and died a successful man. Only if you consider yourself to be successful can you be considered successful by other people.

So when I'm lying on my deathbed, anytime in the future, I shall know that I fulfilled the first requirement for success. But my friends will have to tell me how close I came to being truly successful by their own measures.




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Now playing: Nine Inch Nails - Every Day is Exactly the Same
via FoxyTunes

Know what you do.

Which person is worse? The one who unintentionally causes pain to people or the one who knowingly causes pain? Some people argue that such a question doesn't exist. There can be no doubt in people's mind that the latter is more guilty. This is such a pre-formed opinion. Can't we examine this for a moment.

A person who unintentionally hurts someone, can never be in control of the amount of pain he causes someone. The level of hurt might be on a large scale and can possibly go out of control. Bridges might be burnt and what was might never be.

Whereas the person who knows who he is hurting and why, such a person can manage to control the level of pain caused. Maybe even reduce the pain caused to a more human level. I'm not considering such a sadistic person who can knowingly hurt someone just for the pleasure or joy of it. I'm just considering some person who has to hurt someone in the course of a natural decision(as mentioned in the last post).

What I'm trying to say is, under a number of circumstances, if you knowingly hurt someone, it might be the more humane thing to do. People might pass a judgement and say this write-up is just a means of allaying a guilty conscience. Maybe it is. But if you actually think about it, wouldn't knowing how and to what extent you hurt someone,

All I want to know is, does the knowledge of hurting someone help in the healing process more than the comfortable illusion of not hurting anyone?




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Now playing: Metallica - Fade To Black
via FoxyTunes

Ordinary people.

You and I,
Keep searching for ourselves,
Hoping to find someone else,
Constantly.

We got high, we went to heaven,
With broken wings.
We could fly over them all,
As we sing.

We're just ordinary people,
You and me,
We will find another planet,
Eventually.

We don't need anything,
Don't have greed.
Worldly pleasures we didn't need,
At least not me.

We'll be gone and nothing will be left,
No one will see.
Everything will be dust, and it must,
Disappear, eventually.

We're just ordinary people,
You and me,
We will find another planet,
Eventually.

We thought we'd live forever,
Peacefully.
As our bones are growing old,
So slowly.

We're just ordinary people,
You and me,
We will find another planet,
Eventually.



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Now playing: Green Day - Holiday
via FoxyTunes

The Ripple Effect.

Whoever said that you can't make everyone happy was right. It's just impossible to take a decision at such a complex level that you can make all the people involved somehow content. Yes, people will grudgingly accept their temporary "happiness" with the action we take. But in reality not all people are going to be particularly thrilled about it. Many people have thought of this, and I'm sure have written more vastly about it, but few people think of the repercussions of this.

What I'm trying to say is, if we cant make everyone happy, we have to somehow get used to disappointing people. No one understands exactly how easily and on such a large scale we let down the people we know or the people we love. If we do manage to sit back and analyze the moments in which a small action has hurt someone we love unintentionally, then we will feel a great weight of guilt and sadness.

People claim they examine every angle of their decision before taking action on one course. But the truth is, we can never possibly and convincingly examine all the aspects of the ramifications of our action. I recently had some time to realize how many decisions I myself made at critical points of my life which must have hurt people close to me. But what really freaks me out is that I don't really feel the sense of guilt that should be approaching me menacingly.

Once I tried to fathom the depth of my actions, I had, for a moment, forgotten about what lies on the surface. I was so engrossed in following the ripples of that action that, for some time, I didn't realize that the decision I took at that time was made to the best of my knowledge. Either people don't have time to fully examine the ripples or certain circumstances keep us from doing so. Until people who we affected don't come and tell us how those decisions hurt them, we don't give them a second thought.

At this point I was okay. I was thinking I might feel bad. But I didn't. Thats what made me write this post. I have now realized that I can't help it. I have to take certain decisions which will end up hurting some people, and I can't help that. I cannot avoid it, nor can I evade it. It's the reaction to an action, and the people should realize the depth of thinking which goes into taking such an action. Maybe, if they did have my depth of thinking then they would realize that the effects are unavoidable and someone is bound to get hurt.

Thats life. You can't please everyone. You just need to make peace with the fact that you will somehow end up hurting someone, and you have to let it go. If you try and think about everyone while making big decisions, you will finally end up taking the wrong course of action. Trust me, I have done that more than once. Its better someone else be hurting than you yourself.



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Now playing: Danny Elfman - The Little Things
via FoxyTunes

I Knew it all along.

Complete clarity,
Comes on with a rush.

Your false sincerity,
Gives the final push.

Is this final destiny,
You were just a thief.

My heart and memories,
Comforts me in grief.

I always knew,
You never loved me so,
I killed myself,
As I let you go.
Burning with desire,
Yet you killed my fire.

All that I can see,
I never felt at ease,

Everything in me,
Begs for this release.

Let your hand go,
Now I can stand alone.

How will you ever know,
Most of this remains unknown.

I always knew,
You never loved me so,
I killed myself,
As I let you go.
Burning with desire,
Yet you killed my fire.



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Now playing: Silver - Feel d heat
via FoxyTunes